1:42 am....i am awake, in a quiet house. my husband and my daughter have been sleeping for hours. i should want to go to bed. i should be tired. i had a long day. a great day. i find it strange that i have been avoiding ending the day for 2 hrs. now. why don't i want it?

this is how i find myself almost every night. dave goes to bed around 10:30 because he has to work early in the morning. ari goes to bed around 11 and after i lay her asleep in her crib, i shut the door and breath a sigh of relief that i can have as much time to myself as i want. maybe that's it. maybe i crave that uninterrupted time so badly, that i am willing to risk my sleep for it. i procrastinate until the wee hours of the morning, knowing i should be responsible and get to bed, but fighting my tiredness for a few more minutes. i lack the discipline to just get up and go. i don't want to be tired. i want to stay up. i want to play stupid games on the computer, or watch shows online while i crochet. it's my refuge. it's too late to do any cleaning. i'll wake them up. it's like i don't have to feel guilty that i'm not doing housework, but i can lounge around instead. until the nagging voice in my head gets the best of me and i give in. unwilling, but i listen.

i'm a new mother...shouldn't i be dying to get as much sleep as possible? is something wrong with me? does anyone have any thoughts on my strange behavior? should i not let it bother me, or should i set better bounderies for myself? i function well throughout the day. mainly because i sleep in until 10 with ari. i don't have to take naps and i get alot done when i'm not holding her. so is this really a problem? what do you think?